Professor Layton and the Bird Town
by MikuLover
Summary: A long time ago, in a town WAY too close...crap rained from the sky as robotic birds from hell terrorized a local village. Now, the townsfolk only hope is a certain professor and his number one apprentice who have accepted the dangerous mission! Will they prevail, or will they too soon be covered in bird shi*? Crack Fic! Co-Written by my friend Henry!
1. The Investigation Begins

**Author's Note: Co-written by a friend! His idea, but I'm just writing it down.**

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Day one: The Investigation Begins

"Professor," Luke said, walking into his mentors office. "You have a message on the telegraph machine."

"We have a telegraph machine?" Luke rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I've only been telling you for the past year!"

"Oh, that telegraph machine. Well, what does the message say?" Luke tried to smooth the paper out. He had wrinkled it in his haste.

"It says, "Dear Professor Layton, STOP." Layton interrupted.

"Wait, stop doing what? Do they want me to help them or not?" Luke huffed.

"Look, do you want me to read it to you?"

"Fine, proceed." Luke blinked.

"What does proceed mean?" Layton snatched the paper out of his apprentice's hand.

"Fine! I'll read it myself!" he scanned the paper and muttered to himself. "Dear Professor Layton, STOP I need your help STOP I live in a town being taken over by birds STOP It used to be called Westville, but now it has been re-named the Bird Town STOP I want you to get rid of the birds immediately because there are so many of these animals that we have had to evacuate STOP There are a few residents remaining in the town, mostly the stubborn, old people and the crazy security guard STOP

"In fact, he is so crazy, he has been lobbying for a statue of himself to be up in town square, but we keep telling him to get lost STOP Anyways, please come to our town and rid it of those bloody birds STOP I'm not kidding, they have gotten the taste of human flesh STOP That crazy security guard guy just insisted on brawling a couple of birds and it didn't go quite as planned STOP Please help us, we are in grave danger STOP

"Plus, I forgot my cat in my house when I was evacuating STOP Mr. Dibbles can't be alone or else he gets distressed STOP Thank you in advance STOP PS: If you fail, we will hunt you down and kill your entire family STOP"." Layton set the telegraph down and sipped his tea thoughtfully, before spitting it out.

"What the housebiscuits? Luke, I thought I said freshly brewed tea, not this instant crap!"

"I'm sorry professor, we were all out of water." Layton sighed and facepalmed.

"Well then, it seems we have no choice but to help this unfortunate town." Luke moaned.

"But professor, we don't have time for a field test today!" Layton frowned.

"This is not a field test! It's more like an...espedition." he snapped, waving his arms about. "Besides, a true gentleman does not refuse a plea of help."

"I wouldn't call it a plea, this doesn't even seem worth our time," Luke muttered under his breath.

"It's settled then!" Layton cried, slamming his hand down on the desk, the spirit of adventure glinting in his eyes. "We shall depart for this so-called Bird Town immediately. Luke,"

"Yes professor?" Layton narrowed his eyes.

"TO THE LAYTON MOBILE!"

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**Author's Note: I've always wanted to hear the professor say that last line! :3 Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of the Bird Town!**

**Please remember to review! :D**

**MikuLover and Friend~**


	2. The Long Journey

**Author's Note: Second chapter! Thanks for reviewing and don't forget to this time around! :) (It must also be mentioned that this is very OOC and AU.)**

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Day Two: Traveling a Long Journey

"Quite complaining Luke! You've got it easy, you're just sitting in the baby seat!"

"Only because you made me!"

"Because your feet don't reach the pedals!"

It was like this; the real Layton mobile was in the shop because Emmy had tried to pull a wheelie while driving it. Needless to say, it did not go as planned. Fortunately, Emmy had been alright. That could not be said for the car, however.

Faced with the dilemma of having to WALK, Luke and the professor decided to rent a tandem bike. Luke's feet had not quite reached the pedals, and so, he had been thrown into the child seat that was perched behind the bicycle.

"Luke, do you have the map? There is intersection coming up shortly." Luke bit his lip. He had folded the map into a paper hat earlier and it had blown away shortly before his mentor had asked this question.

"Umm, a bird stole it." Layton snapped.

"Those robotic bastards! So it's not enough for them to have taken over one town, but now they're trying to take over ours!" he was furious. And it did not help matters that at that exact moment, a bird swooped and pooped on his head. "Mother - and that's the way the handle falls off!" Luke was mentally scarred by the professor's sudden outburst.

"Umm, professor? If you don't mind my asking, what do handles falling off have to do with -?"

"Le gasp! Luke, a true - gentleman does not say -!" Luke sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Yes professor. I'm sorry."

"You should be! Where did ever pick up language like that?"

"From...never mind. Look, it's the intersection!" and indeed it was. There was a left road and a right road.

_~PUZZLE NO. 001~ WHICH WAY? (Ten picarats)_

_There is a left road and a right road. Which road do you take? There is a mathematical formula you can use to solve this, but unless you mastered in calculus, you probably have no idea. Good luck!_

"Well, the answer is simple." the professor took out a coin and proceeded to flip it.

"What? That's your way of choosing the right road? A freaking coin flip?"

"No Luke, it's a fortune telling penny! NO OF FREAKING COURSE I'M GOING TO FLIP IT!"

"That's a terrible idea! We could take the wrong road!" Layton rolled his eyes.

"Oh, and you have a better idea?" Luke smirked and pointed at a sign reading "Westville". It was pointing towards the left road.

"Wipe that smile off your face. I was gonna pick that road anyways." the two turned down the road and pedaled.

They pedaled all night. Pedaledd, then slept. Slept, then pedaled. Pedaled while sleeping, sleeping while pedaling, sleddaling.

It was just an hour in reality, but to them, it seemed like two hours.

And it wasn't soon enough to them that they arrived at the infamous Westville, aka Bird Town.

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**Author's Note: Please review! Next chapter tomorrow!**

**MikuLover and Henry~**


	3. Arrival

**Author's Note: Third chapter! Thanks for reviewing and following! If you didn't, shame on you!**

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Day Three: Arrival

"Well, we finally arrived at this so-called "Bird Town"." Layton and Luke looked around, but they couldn't see any other people besides each other.

"Professor, where are all the people?" Luke asked.

"Duh! Where have you been for the past two chapters? They all evacuated, remember?" Luke pouted.

"You didn't need to be so mean about it." Layton rolled his eyes and checked the telegraph message yet again.

"The message said something about a security officer. Maybe we should try to find him?" both of them jumped at the sound of the familiar voice that answered.

"Security guard? SECURITY GUARD? That's "Captain of Security" to you!"

"Inspector Grosky?" Luke said, eyes widening.

"No, Grosky, Head of Security in Westville. I've been promoted!" Layton cocked his head.

"Why haven't you evacuated? Haven't the birds attacked you too?"

"It is my sworn duty to protect the town of Westville from these demonic birds. Surely then, they will give me my own statue!" Luke sighed.

"How sad, all you want is your own statue." Grosky snapped.

"Shut up, Luke!" Layton stepped in before a fight broke out right there in town square.

"Inspector-"

"HEAD OF SECURITY, YOU BASTARD!"

"Oh, shut up! Inspector, the telegraph spoke of a brawl between you and a couple of these birds. Perhaps you could tell us a bit about your account?" the inspector puffed out his chest.

"Certainly." he switched into story-telling mode. "A few days ago, I was taking my morning constitutional, I heard a starnge buzzing noise coming from abandoned apartment complex across the street that I was waking on. Naturally, being head if security," Layton and Luke rolled their eyes. "I tried to open the door of the building, but not one, not two, but three of those birds from hell swooped and bombarded me with-"

"Okay, that's good enough, no need to get graphic. We do have a child here, after all." Luke bristled.

"Hey, I'm twelve!" Layton waved him away nonchalantly.

"Oh, shut up Luke." he turned back to the inspector, or as he preferred to be called, the "head of security". "Inspector,- and yes, that's what I'm going to call you- do you think you could take us to the scene of your attack?"

"Certainly! Follow me!" the inspector whirled around, to reveal a hole in the seat of his pants.

"Um, inspector? I think you have a rip-" the inspector interrupted Luke.

"A little souvenir from my friends, the birds."

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**Author's Note: Chapter four soon!**

**Please keep reviewing! Much appreciated!**

**MikuLover and Henry~**


	4. Our Hotel Bill is Going Up

**Author's Note: Sorry that we didn't post sooner! Got preoccupied by hot-tubs and shooting stars. Better late than never, right?**

**And this is the last OFFICIAL chapter, but there will be a bonus chapter for all of the OCs and a special theme-song.**

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Day Four: Our Hotel Bill is Going Up, We Need to Leave Soon

As "head of security" Grosky led the two towards the abandoned apartment complex, the group noticed birds, standing on every building, every sign, and every house. It was sort of creepy. It gave the impression that one was being hunted.

"Professor," Luke said, holding his upwards and catching a few "raindrops" on his hand. "I think it's raining!"

"That's not rain!" the professor yelled with horror as the birds releashed their deadly liquids. The trio ran into a phone booth for shelter, but quickly exited when they realized it was full of the dreaded animals, aiming their behinds in a menacing manner.

The only possible solution was to run, and even though a true gentleman needs to get some exercise, all of them were not looking forward to running to the apartment complex.

They suddenly stopped in the middle of the road when Grosky called out, "Wait a minute!" Luke and the professor turned to him.

"What?"

"Am I getting paid for this?" Grosky asked.

"No! Why the hell would we pay you for this?" Layton exclaimed.

"Then I'm out." Grosky said, turning back and starting to run.

Unfortunately, he tripped and fell, and the birds pounced on him and proceeded to eat every shred of clothing on his body.

"Luke, shield your eyes! It's a full moon!" Layton cried, throwing a hand across Luke's line of vision.

And just like that, the birds claimed another victim. It was a ghastly sight to behold, and not only because a naked Grosky was terrifying, but because of the possibility it could be one of them next!

"Professor, let's get out of here!" Luke cried, running as the birds pelted them with rounds of "ammo".

The professor and Luke ran towards the abandoned apartment complex, arms shielding their heads and faces as the birds relentlessly attacked. By the time the two finally reached their destination, both were covered in bird poop and feeling rather endangered.

"Well, we had better get to the bottom of this mystery, no pun intended." Layton said, kicking through the boards that were blocking the doorway. Luke's eyes widened.

"Wow professor! I didn't know you could do karate!" he cried, his love for his mentor becomming even stronger. Layton rolled his eyes.

"Well duh. I'm so awesome, isn't there anything I can't do? I frikin' sword fought with a vampire, for God's sake!" Luke had to admit, Layton did have a point there.

It seemed Grosky hadn't been lying about the buzzing noise, because it was echoing through the empty halls.

After climbing the stairs and entering an evil-looking lair, the professor and Luke came face to face with the horrible villain. "Descole?" they both exclaimed, totally dumbfounded.

The man turned around, and it became apparent that no matter how much this man resembled Descole, it most certainly WASN'T Descole.

"Descole?" the man said, ruffling his feathers (again, no pun intended). "That unspeakable cad? Humph!" the man sniffed haughtily. "I am no other than the brilliant Shaun Delphry!" Luke and Layton gave each a look.

"Right, okay." Layton said, rolling his eyes again. "Anyways, "Delphry", are you the one behind that plot with those robotic birds?" Delphry sniffed again.

"So what if I am? What are you going to do to stop me?" he laughed in an evil sort of way. Well, let me put it this way. His laugh sounded like the male version of Cruella De Vil, but if the male Cruella was a flamboyantly gay hipster.

With a leap, Shaun Delphry escaped the lair through a window and vanished.

"Wow! How did he do that professor?" Luke asked, awestruck and a bit giddy after seeing such an obviously gay man.

"Luke, this really isn't the time. We need to figure out how to stop this machine that controls the robots." Layton said, walking over to the complicated-looking machine. On the machine, there was a note that read, "TOP SECRET, NO TOUCHY!" secured with a frowny-face sticker.

"Wow professor, this looks like quite the puzzle, eh?" Luke inquired, examining every inch of the machinery. Layton nodded, deep in thought.

"Yes, fortunately, I have found the answer to this particular puzzle." he smiled craftily and took Luke's hand.

"You figured it out already?" Luke asked in admiration. Layton tipped his hat.

"Well duh, that's what a gentleman does."

Layton and Luke stood in front of the building, Luke eagerly awaiting the Professor's brilliant plot to destroy the machine and rid the town of the birds.

"So, what's the plan professor?" Luke asked, tugging on his mentor's sleeve. Layton reached into his pocket and pulled out- a playboy magazine?

"Oops, wrong pocket!" he said, laughing awkwardly. "Ah, here we are!" now he held in his hands, a bomb and a pack of matches.

"Ooh, I love explosives!" Luke cried excitedly. Layton held them out of reach.

"Luke, I don't have time for your pyromaniac shenanigans! I have a puzzle to solve."

~THE INNER WORKINGS OF LAYTON'S MIND~

"Let's see, if I get the trajectory of this just right, I can throw the bomb through the window of the lair and destroy the machine. All I have to do is throw at an eighty-two degree angle and-

"SCREW THIS!" Layton yelled, lighting the bomb, chucking it towards the building and starting to run like hell.

Luckily, the professor made it out of the explosion. Unfortunately, a certain blonde did not. "Yes! I'm finally free from that little-"

"Professor! I made it! I ran away just in time!" an all too familiar voice called.

"No God! No God, please no! No! NOOOOO!"

THE END

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**Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this series as much as me and Henry enjoyed writing it. Yes, many giggling fits occurred.**

**And please look out for the bonus chapter with the Delphry character profile and *drumroll* THEME SONG!**

**Story behind Delphry:**

**HENRY: Who's that bad guy in professor Layton? I think it's starts with a D...De...lphry?**

**MIKULOVER: hatwbdm a."1n&3 !/;1hwiw,qownwnakqp!jw,s laks XDDDDDDD LOLOLOLOL!**

**HENRY: :I**

**Please remember to review!**

**MikuLover and Henry~**


	5. BoNuS mAtErIaL!

**Author's Note: Bonus chapter! With the Delphry theme song!**

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~BONUS~

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Shaun Delphry Profile

Age: Unknown

Gender: Male

Description: A flamboyantly gay man, who dressed like a hipster in order to stay inconspicuous. Unfortunately, he is so strange and queer, that he attracts attention to himself everywhere he goes. He also gets mistaken for Descole, even though they are not related.

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~THE SUSPECTS~

The professor walked around the room, staring at all of the suspects he has gathered. There was a hobo, covered in bugs and dirt. Luke- wait, what? A lamp, and a microwave. Next came a man who sort-of resembled Descole, but claimed that he was not even related. Here is what he said, when he was accused of being Descole in disguise.

"I am Shaun...Delphry...?"

AND THUS, DELPHRY WAS BORN!

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~DELPHRY THEME SONG~

Feat. Delphry the Denomaker

P. Layton records

1965

Dum Dum Dum Dum

I'm stealthy, 'cause I'm Delphry

Hey look, it's Delphry

Help me, 'cause I'm Delphry

Help me, I'm stealthy, 'cause I'm Delphry

Delphry Delphry Delphry

Delphry Delphry Delphry

DELPHRY

Peace, I'm out!

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**Author's Note: Yes.**

**MikuLover and Henry~**


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